Progress Check

Yes, I'm back. Well, I've been back for about four days now. So I thought I'd tell you all about some really deep truths you're craving to know about. Yes, how I'm doing on my list of things-to-do from my last post.

My landlady now reads this, so there are certain things that may or may not be different from the truth. This may or may not be obvious, but suffice it to say she is a lovely, beautiful lady who never beats me. By the way, if anyone has a place spare - even a cellar or kennel, email me.

1. Get a hair-cut.

This hasn't happened yet. Because, if I'm honest, the weather here is so cold that having a mane works for my benefit. I'm still acclimatizing, you see. The fact that my back is peeling is evidence of this. I'm like a skin-shedding snake-boy.

2. Sleep in my own bed

Of course I've done this. Four times. If I hadn't, you'd all be asking whereabouts I was sleeping!

3. Drink a stupid amount of pure, fresh apple juice

Done. I've also drunk Wittard's Hot Mint Chocolate, made using milk not water! Milk based chocolate drinks are vastly superior to H20 potions. Trust me on this.

4. Watch Match Of The Day

I've yet to complete this task. My inevitable social promiscuity is the reason, pure and simple. 

5. Read the whole of the Sunday papers one afternoon, then snooze afterwards

I bought a copy of the Sunday Mail, but haven't read it yet. But I will, oh yes.

6. Read the two issues of FourFourTwo that I've got through the post, but not read.

I only have one. Kaka is on the front cover. He's a Christian, you know. And a rather good footballer. I need to have a day in reading I think.

7. Go to the best church in the world the first Sunday I'm back

It was so good to see old friends and be back at my spiritual 'home,' where I grew up. The sermon was one of the best I've heard about Breaking Bread. I recommend you download it, and others, here.

8. Visit all my friends, invite myself round for dinner with them and bore them with all my stories. And yes, even you Toby!

I'm in the process of doing this. I've even opened diplomatic channels with Toby to have a catch up. I say with Toby, but I really mean his wife, because she is the organized one. But to be fair, Toby is a rockstar.

9. Sit with my mum and show her all my photographs. No, she's not seen any of them, the poor woman.

I have many photos. My mum loved them, my dad was looking around the room thinking of ways he could knock himself out. Enough said.

10. Take the dogs that I really don't like out for a walk in beautiful, peaceful, muddy, wet, glorious English woodland

Something on my list I've actually done. Hurrah! It was a lovely walk, the dogs didn't try to lick me - which might have something to do with the fact I wouldn't let them within ten foot of me - and I had a lovely pray walking around English woodland, with the sound of browning leaves being crunched underfoot. Beautiful. 

11. Smoke a cigar with a couple of friends

This is going to be done tonight. I have a Montecristo I will indulge myself in. This will also happen on Friday with my friend Glenn.

12. Open all my post

I've half achieved this. Which means I've ignored all the bills and bank statements, and just opened all the Amazon parcels, and various lovely things lovely people sent me.

13. Eat saveloy and chips

I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to say that this is the first thing of my list I accomplished. I had two saveloy's as well. And large chips. All after I'd had a nice steak meal cooked for me Friday night. I couldn't pass up the opportunity, you understand. It is also worth noting that how we use our time reflects our priorities. If this is true, and I prioritized eating a couple of seasoned, boiled pork sausages then I really need to get out more.

14. Buy some jeans and some shirts and have a wardrobe clear out

Still to do. I have to be in the mood for shopping. And I'm not.

I have my grandmothers funeral today - she passed away whilst I was away in South Africa, but I didn't say anything at the time to you all because, well, you just don't, do you? I'm fine - it happened in what seems a long time ago now so I've gone through many of the emotions. I'm conducting the service, then we will have the wake afterwards so it will be a long day.

On that note, I should go and get myself ready. I haven't moisturized yet this morning....

Currently listening to: Kings Of Leon - Fans from Radio 1's Live Lounge Vol 2