Thirty-Four

I love Psalm 34. Its so real, much like the whole of Psalms. No religion or token prayers here. Just honest, frank and raw emotion.

God knows that sometimes I get scared. Scared of events of my past. Scared of circumstances in the present. Or scared of things in my future. This Psalms answer for my fears?

Keep seeking God.

Keep pleading, begging, telling, confessing, asking.

Keep seeking.

He will answer. He does hear, and he does know. And he will deliver me.

I found out that the Hebrew word for 'deliver' here means 'to snatch away.' Its like being dragged away from harm at the last minute.

God loves rescuing me. He loves being the knight in shining armour. He loves being the hero.

I think God keeps rescuing and delivering me because he loves me. But also because it gives him the chance to show me that he really, really is God. If I'm honest, I tend to forget - or only pay him lip service. But God knows I can only walk through this life by having both my eyes fixed firmly on him, irrespective of what's happening outside of me. Perhaps that's another way of describing faith.

I walk that much closer to God when I know I need rescuing. And I've been saved for never-ending relationship, haven't I?

I think far too highly of myself. I can see that with how I handle my money, or my time, or my prayerlessness, or how I am with other people. But in those painful epiphanies, where I realise I'm at the end of myself, God loves to step in. Sadly, it doesn't take much before I'm living all self-sufficiently again!

Yet, despite my fragility, frailness and fallibility, Jesus promised to never leave me or forsake me. And he says it in this Psalm.

When I stop navel-gazing in the middle of my very own little pity-party, I can look around at so much in my life and remember just how kind He has been to be.

He has got me through so many scrapes - and many of them of my own making! I'm so much safer by his side, walking in step with him. Has he ever let me down?

No.

Have I let him down?

Continually.

But he's still got open arms, an open heart and an open heaven for me. That's grace - God's undeserved kindness.

Grace holds. Grace keeps. Grace stays. Grace remains.

I think I have learnt the most about the grace and goodness of God when I've come to the end of myself. When I've said in my heart of hearts "I can't go on."

"I can't do this"

"I don't know anymore"

Its almost like my gracious deliverer says 'enough is enough' and steps in to change things as only he can do.

Jesus said that knowing God would never be easy. I'm to carry my crosses. I'm to deny myself. I am following someone who doesn't always tell me where he is leading me. I'm to lose my life!

I'm in a battle - against society and the world; against the unredeemed drives and desires that still taint me, and against a murderer and liar who hates me.

But grace upholds and sustains me.

God cares for me.

Often I fail him; but grace never fails me.

Grace tells me - no, it shows me - that it doesn't matter whether I have two hands on God or not

Because He always has two hands on me.