His Purpose

Similar in vein to 'Forty-Two'...

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands" Psalm 138:8

In seeking your purpose Oh God I'm so nervous
Of even putting one foot wrong
And in this task of deciding which should be exciting
I’m filled with a sense of fear so strong
That I’m begging for some kind of sign
To show me when you’d have me go

So often I’ve strayed from the path you have laid
Sometimes even knowingly
And so I’m fearful of finding a lifetime of climbing
Will never bring me back to what you’d planned for me
God, help me believe that you will take me
Where you’d have me go

Cause you know all my ‘could’ve beens’
All my 'wonder if it should’ve beens’

Nothing’s a surprise
You’re not paralysed
Wondering how I got here
And though there are times when I’ve got it wrong
You’ve been rooting for me all along
Cocooning my mistakes in your hand of grace
Oh Lord, I won’t be afraid

So busy regretting
I’m almost forgetting
That you have done the hardest part
My victory is certain
You’ve lifted the burden
And promised that you’ll finish what you start
God, help me believe that you will complete
What you’re doing in me
Cause you know Oh Lord, you paid a high price for me
And it was for freedom you set me free

Cause you know all my 'could’ve beens'
Sometimes I wonder if they should’ve been

But you have brought me safe this far
And through these trials you’re changing me
Since the day you put this dream in me
Oh Lord I can’t wait to see what your love makes of me
I won’t be afraid

Words courtesy of annaJo.

Her album is out soon, take a look at www.annajo.co.uk

First Light

It's been a long time since I've posted - I've been busy! But as a mini-catch up, over the last few weeks the following have taken place:

1. I've gained some further professional qualifications in coaching.

2. I've been accepted into membership of a professional association, so I've now got letters after my name!

3. I've had a few enquiries for coaching, and my first actual paying client for Life Matters.

4. I've been evicted, and have had to start seeking God for the next life steps for me.

5. I've had my first article for an online Christian men's magazine published, which can be found at Prodigal Son Magazine.

I'm in the middle of lots of activity, lots of decisions and lots of conflicting opinions. Thankfully, God spoke to me through Psalm 130:5-6, which reads:

"I wait for the Lord; my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."

I've been - and am - waiting on God for direction and leading, so as I meditated on these verses I found the illustration of a watchman more and more helpful.

A watchman would stand by city gates or on the city walls, and like a guard would keep watch. His job would be to keep alert and raise the alarm of any approaching enemies - Ezekiel 33:1-3 gives us an example. There were different 'watches' throughout the day and night and sunrise would often be a change of watch, and therefore watchmen. A watchman's job was so considered so vital that a Roman soldier would be executed if he fell asleep during his watch.

So back to the Psalm - why would a watchman long for morning? Why this illustration?

I'm sure there are many more, but as I pondered these sprung to mind.

Sunlight brings rest.

The watchman can relax from his duties as he is replaced by another. As I wait on God for him to speak, his words bring me comfort and rest, just as Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30.

Sunlight brings clarity.

Night doesn't exist during sunlight, and light brings certainty and vision. As I wait on God for him to speak, he reveals truth to me. Like light, he shows me how things really are and guides me onwards. Only God has the right perspective and all insight into life.

Sunlight brings warmth.

I love standing out as the sun rises in the morning or from behind shade. The warmth dances over my skin and I can see flowers and plants visibly respond to the suns heat. As I wait on God for him to speak, he draws close to me and wraps himself around me. He is a God who loves intimacy with me, and his very presence and embrace make everything feel OK again.

In the busyness of business and work of church, its good for me to wait, like a watchmen, for God to speak and draw close. If I'm not watching for Him, then what am I watching and waiting for?

Book Review: Just Like Us by Stef Liston

Stef Liston is a regular preacher at Newday where his anointed, dynamic and passionate preaching impacts many young people. He is currently planting Revelation Church in London.

'Just Like Us' is his first book, and takes a look at many characters throughout scripture to see what lessons we can learn from them. Stef draws out how they are just like us, and yet points to the incredible ways they walk with God.

His book is both encouraging and very challenging. It is very accessible, with short, punchy chapters that end with a summary and questions for further reflection. I'm not sure if this book is aimed more towards young people, but the theology certainly isn't lightweight and the engaging writing style and succinct chapter structure really enabled the message of each chapter to hit home each time.

The chapters, and things that spoke to me, are outlined below:

1. Jacob: Persevering in wrestling with God unlocks a change in us, and God's blessing.
2. Moses: Successful intercession is based upon knowledge of the character and promises of God.
3. Gideon: Enquiring of God reveals more about the reality of the situation.
4. Hannah: Suffering and desperation connect us with God, teach us about our need, and give God a door to demonstrate his glory and goodness.
5. Solomon: God loves to answer prayers based upon his already promised favour.
6. Elijah: He was just like us; he was a servant of God; He knew who he was; he persevered in prayer in what God had called him.
7. Elisha: Prayer unlocks revelation.
8. Mary: Prayers of surrender remind us it's God we serve and attack roots of unbelief in our lives.
9. The Other Mary: God loves silence before him, so he can speak.
10. Jesus: Faith is a gift from God when we ask him for it.
11. Jesus: Unforgiveness opposes intimacy with God.
12. The Early Church: There is power in corporate prayer.
13. Paul & Silas: Our praise and prayer during pain reveal where we are really at.
14. The Martyrs: God will judge in his time.
15. John: The heart of the Christian life is "Come, Lord Jesus."

Overall, I'd sum up the books message as this: prayer effectiveness and intimacy with Jesus are interwoven.

I recommend this book wholeheartedly to anyone of any age who wants to be challenged to grow in prayer and walk with Jesus.

The Honesty Of Confession - Part 3

As I've been looking through Psalm 32, I've come to the end of the psalm, and the final confession that I see. The third type of confession is Confession Of The Saviour.

Verse 11 is an encouragement to keep my eyes focused on God. Irrespective of the sin or circumstances I may be dealing with, the only way I can keep a heavenly perspective is by keeping my eyes on Jesus.

This verse challenges me to be glad in the Lord. How do I manage to do so when my very life seems to have nothing to be glad about?! How I answer that question reveals much of my attitude and my values.

I love to view what I value the most. This is true in the physical - whether it be creation, or a work of art, or considering a piece of music or a person.... but whatever it is, my focus gets drawn to linger on what is important to me at that moment in time.

This is true spiritually as well. If my focus is on my circumstances, or my lack, or my pain, then how will I be glad in the Lord? I won't - I'll begin to doubt the goodness of God. Or the sovereignty of God. Or both!

So my challenge is keeping my focus upwards, on Christ. And I find that whilst the reality doesn't always immediately change, my attitude to it certainly does.

This truth has made me realise that there must be a difference between happiness and joy. Joy is deeper I think, which is why it is a fruit of the Spirit. Being glad in the Lord is joyfully remembering and reflecting on Jesus, even when I'm not happy about things that are going on.

Who he is.

What he has done.

If I struggle with finding fuel for the fire of thanksgiving, I can look back at verses 1 and 2 for a reminder!

Perhaps the battle to maintain a heavenly perspective is what Paul meant when he wrote about learning the secret of contentment in all things?

Verse 11 also reminds me that I must be able to rejoice, because he has made me righteous! I still cannot get my head around the truth of the gospel: that Christ took my punishment, and I get his purity. That in itself is enough to never struggle with worship ever again. And its by faith - trust - alone! Romans 10:9 states its beautifully.

Whenever I take my eyes from Christ, I take things into my own hands. My self-sufficiency rears its ugly, anti-faith head and I default to trying to influence and control my own circumstances. Its not always the best course of action.

Confessing Jesus is Lord is not just a movement of the lips but a movement of the heart. Especially when things are less than how I would like. But what am I confessing when I remember Jesus is Lord?

I'm remembering that Jesus is the risen Lord. He has conquered death, and death has no sting for me. My life will never end - I will just pass from this world to the next.

I'm confessing Jesus is the victorious Lord. He has won me from the clutches of the evil one. The curse of sin has been broken. The curse of my sin has been broken!

Jesus is the ascended Lord. He sits in the place of honour at the right hand of Almighty God. He is forever interceding for me, praying for grace and strength for me.

This risen Lord Jesus is the one who reigns over death. He reigns in life, and over life. He reigns over me. And he is for me!

These confessions keep me close to him and keep me mindful of him. They help me keep a heavenly perspective of my sin or my situation. Just like Hebrews 12:2 says, I want to look at Jesus - the founder and perfect of my faith.

Being truthful about who Jesus is and what he has done leads me closer to him and builds intimacy with him. Confessing the truth about my saviour to my saviour is an act of worship and contrition at the same time.

Ultimately, confession is simply honesty. Honesty to God about myself, my life and who he is.

The Honesty Of Confession - Part 2

I recently wrote about the Honesty of Confession (found here) found in Psalm 32. In it I looked at the first of three types of confession, being confession of sin. I had defined confession as 'seeing the reality as it really is, and being honest about it.'

This post I want to look at a second type of confession - the Confession of Circumstance.

Verse 6 really defines what this confession is. Its the 'help me God' prayer!

After confession of sin, this is the prayer I say the most! From the little things like when my car battery died this week at a very inconvenient time, to the big things like the situation with Life Matters, I need to ask for help so,so many times.

This verse has a lot of truth in it that I need to remind myself of. It is an invitation to pray to God at a time when he may be found. What time is this? All the time - he promised to never leave or forsake me! So even in the midst of difficulties, God is within reach. It is an open invitation to come and find whatever I need, whenever I need!

But this verse is also a reality check for me. It speaks of the 'rush of great waters', surely an image of life sometimes!

Just like a tsunami or tidal wave, life can be overwhelming and relentless sometimes. I love the Bible's honesty - it doesn't deny that there will be times when I will face an oncoming 'rush.' It also bluntly shows me some of these rushing waters will be 'great.' But it doesn't stop there - these waters will not reach me. What does this mean?

I might get soaked by these waters, but I won't drown.

I may see waters all around my feet, increasing and rising upwards.

I may feel like I'm treading water, not moving - and getting more and more tired.

The waters I'm in may scare me, or anger me, or confuse me, or frustrate me.

But these waters won't sweep me away to destruction.

I will not drown.

Paul echoes the same sentiment in 2 Corinthians 4:7-11. He was "struck down, but not destroyed."

I will get soaked, but I will not drown.

That is the promise of God.

This prayer of need that verse 6 talks about is a confession of circumstance.

Basically, honesty in prayer.

I have found that God loves it when I confess my situation to him. And when I confess my feelings to him.

No dressing it up, super-spiritualising it or hiding what I really think. But being truthful. It makes sense to me anyhow - why shouldn't I be honest or real, because God knows anyway!

Scripture shows me this in a number of places. Abraham haggled. Moses reasoned. Job pleaded. They all confessed the situation they were in, and how they felt.

They were all honest with God.

Honesty is a demonstration of vulnerability, and a revealing of our innermost feelings and thoughts. It builds intimacy with someone, and I think it's the same with God. I have found that the more I share my heart with him, the more he shares his heart with me.

Verse 7 tells me God promises to be there for me. In the face of onrushing thunderous waters, he will be a cave for me to hide in.

A ledge or cliff I can climb to safety.

He will make a way.

Deliverance in the Bible is like 'rescue.' The promise of God is that he will step in like the hero and save me. With shouts of deliverance - shouts of triumph and victory.

My experience is that the shouts of triumph are shouts that come from me. Sometimes God has taken me to the edge of myself, but has stepped in and delivered - rescued me. He has this amazing way of taking what almost destroyed me, and turning it into something that even now I can actually celebrate and thank him for! I can look back over those times of great waters and recognise that I have grown and learnt from him.

Just like verse 8 says, the waters in my life often contain lessons for my. Is my situation really God's schooling for me? Isn't that what Romans 8:28 says to me?

However, I often miss the grace of suffering that is given to me to shape me and make me more like Jesus. Verse 9 is a warning to me about this, being the stubborn and proud man that I am.

When I pull away from God, he always pulls me back to him somehow. Sometimes he woo's me - he pursues me and breaks in on my everyday life, interrupting my busyness to spend time with me.

Or he will gently open my eyes to the stupidity of my attitude or actions, and draw me back to him. His kindness leads me to repentance.

Sometimes I will spend time with another believer and just talking about spiritual things will 'kickstart' me. There are a couple of men in my life who I know do me good, and when I need to 'go again' I seek them out just to capture something that they have.

But sometimes I stray further afield. The more I pull away from God, the harder he pulls me back. And if necessary to keep me close to him, this may hurt me. But just as verse 9 says, God's heart is that I would 'stay near him.'

He wants intimacy above all else, just like verse 10 tells me.

But my trust in God - my faith - is so important during seasons of trouble. My situation or circumstance often attacks my faith and tests it. It takes faith to trust that God is good, that he is control and that he loves me when everything around me is screaming the opposite.

The Bible tells me in Hebrews 11:1 that faith has a huge element of the unseen about it. Faith is governed by what I don't see!

Faith is trusting God is who he says he is.

Faith is believing that God will do what he says he will.

Faith is having confidence that God will act on my behalf.

When my faith - dependent on believing the unseen - is being stretched by what is seen, I am and will grow spiritually if I persevere. Just like Romans 5:3-5 says!

Maybe this is why trusting God is such a big deal in the Christian walk. Suffering and difficulty brings me to the end of myself and to a place where I have to confess “God, only you can make the difference now.”

Confessing the reality of my circumstances to God, and my feelings about them, builds intimacy with him. Deep relationships thrive on openness and honesty. Spiritually, it’s the same principle. So I intend to keep confessing – state truth – when I'm speaking with God.

Next time, I want to look at the final confession shown in Psalm 32.

Currently listening to: Oasis - The Masterplan from The Masterplan

The Honesty Of Confession - Part 1

David was called a man after God's own heart, which is something that has always intrigued me. Why is he given this accolade?

Its an interesting title. Is he a man seeking after God's own heart? Or is he a man resembling God's own heart?

Either way, I love David's honesty before God. It models something to me I want in my own life. And during some seasons of my life I find I have a lot more that I need to be honest to God about.

Like now.

Psalm 32 is psalm of honesty. It's a psalm reflecting why honesty with God is important.

Honesty is key to any relationship - whether with a person or with the Divine. It ensues that the relationship isn't clouded with untruths. I love the way that this Psalm starts by clearing the decks of untruths that sometimes I forget as a Christian.

It says it how it is. It tells me my relationship, my standing, with God.

But I know me. I'm a festerer - I chew over things in my head for hours. Days. Weeks. Months even! You know the type - can seem like they are on an emotional bungee cord!

The technical term for us types of people - who need to vent - are 'external processors.'

When I don't vent, especially to God, it affects me in different ways.

I'm learning that there is something about acknowledging where I am really at that is vital to my spiritual health and well-being. This is what confession does for me.

It’s a means of grace for me.

However, confession is much more than confessing sin.

Confession is saying what I really think and really feel to God.

Confession is seeing the reality as it really is, and being honest about it.

Confession is acknowledging how God sees things, and that will  often challenge what I really think or feel.

Confession is a key to my - and our - spiritual well-being. And our spiritual well-being affects our emotional and even physical state.

This psalm shows me three different types of confession. In this post, I want to look at the first kind.

The Confession of Sin.

I am an expert in confessing sin. I have plenty of practice! In fact, its a daily devotion, discipline and dedication of mine. Whether I want to or not, I continue to excel in this.

Verse 5 says "I acknowledged my sin to you", so for me confession of sin involves a number of things.

• I must acknowledge my sin to God. I need to address it specifically, sometimes by name.
• I must acknowledge my sin to God. I enjoy taking responsibility for things, but not always sin. No one makes me do, say or think the sinful things I do.
• I must acknowledge my sin to God. No dressing it up or playing it down. Sin is sin.No excuses. No sin of Adam, who when faced with discovery of his sin back in the Fall blamed Eve and even God!
• I must acknowledge my sin to God. First and foremost my sin is against God. Sin is the opposite of worship, because when we worship we make the God the centre. When we sin, we make ourselves the centre.

Confessing our sin is being honesty with God.

I love the second half of verse 5 though - the promise of forgiveness when we confess. Its an Old Testament mirror verse to 1 John 1:9!

When I confessing my sin it builds - and restores - intimacy with God.

It reminds me of my dependence on him.

It humbles me. Which I need time and time again.

It shows me again my ongoing need for mercy.

And it gives God the opportunity to show me grace!

And I am - and will always be - a man in much need of the grace of God.

In the next post, I will look at a second type of confession.

Currently listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Fallen from Afterglow

One Hundred & Twenty Four

As part of my time alone with God, I often read and pray my way through a Psalm. I find Psalms such an uplifting and encouraging book - a place where the heart of man and the heart of God meet.

This morning I was reading Psalm 124, which is a Psalm of David. Its whole theme is remembrance - remembering what has gone before, and remembering how God has delivered David throughout his life. Its modern equivalent could be a verse from Amazing Grace:

"Through many dangers, toils and snares,

I have already come;

'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home."

There is something about many of the hymns that capture and express things our modern day praise and worship songs don't. Perhaps there are many reasons for that. But I'm not writing about the need for us to rediscover many of the old hymns (although I think we would do well too).

I want to write about verse 8.

Psalm 124:8

One sentence.

"Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

The previous verses in the Psalm have been a celebration of the protection and deliverance of God. This one sentence stands like the conclusion to the Psalm.

The answer to the equation, if you will.

David's help is in the name of the Lord. What does this mean?

Names are personal.

Names say something about you.

Names 'define' you.

Most of us know what our names mean. My first name means 'strong' or 'precious' - which are, of course, both so apt. My surname means 'dweller on a hill' which is perhaps less apt!

Anyhow, our parents gave us our names so their definitions might not be wholly accurate.

Except God's.

Because, you see, God named himself. He chose his own name. And he is never wrong. Nor does he lie.

So when God says he is Jehovah Jireh - The God Who Provides - he will!

When God says he is Jehovah Tsidkenu - The Lord Our Righteousness - he means it.

I wonder if knowing the names of God gave David great comfort when he prayed. The same can be true for us.

As a reminder of to whom we speak.

As a remembrance of what he has done in the past.

And as a catalyst of faith for the present and future.

See, even in this verse David reminded himself that God was Creator - he made the heavens and the earth. And because he made them, they were subject to him.

Everything.

EVERYTHING.

The heavens - the unseen, the spiritual realm, the non-physical. He commands it.

The earth - the seen, the material world, the physical. He commands it.

Perhaps there are things in your life right now that you cannot see, but threaten you. He reigns over them.

Perhaps there are things in your life that you can see, and they oppose you. He reigns over them too.

Let me encourage you to take this opportunity to learn some of the names of God (found here) and in doing so, learn more about God. Then as you keep seeking him, confident in who he is because he has shared his names with you, I'm sure you will have stories of where you learn firsthand that he is indeed who he says he is.

Just like David.

Just like Psalm 124.

I'm Back!

So, I have internet back now. The charming people at 'Satsuma' finally sorted it out for me, although I had to call them to get a progress check. Which meant the conversation was basically this:

"Hi, can I have an update to my internet connection?"

"Yes Sir, you can"

*awkward silence for a few moments*

"So, can I have an update please?"

"Yes sir, you can. Its been done for you"

"OK thanks... I thought I was going to be notified"

*awkward silence and telephone tumbleweed moment*

"It was done for you yesterday sir"

"Ah, so if i hadn't have paid you guys by calling you, I wouldn't have found out?"

*awkward silence again*

"Its working now sir, thank you for calling Big Fat Evil Money Sucking Unaccountable Corporation!"

I've spent the last day or so ensuring I'm not bitter, but every cloud has a silver lining. I can now blog. I can read. Well, I could anyway, but I can find out what's happening in the world. I'm told that apparently something is happening in Iraq? I can also reply to Facebook messages and mock people once more. Yes, that means you Helen. And you Natalie.

In other news, I had my birthday. I am now officially ** years old. My lovely friend Becky conjured up this amazing Transformers cake. It was Optimus Prime, leader of the Heroic Autobots. But it was done in the style of Mr Potato Head. I am aware that this concept is lost of many of you. Mostly the girls, at least. But there is a link here for you. However, before I provide the link, a disclaimer is required. This link contains pictures of me. Me holding a knife. Me doing unspeakable things to the cake with a knife. So be warned.

The Best Cake In The World

In other news, whilst I am contemplating this life coach malarkey I have decided I need to top up my finance so have entered the job hunting world. So I am gearing myself up for various interviews and such like, whilst studying and finding out a bit more about what I want to do and how to go about it.

I have also been asked to lead the Sunday School children's work at my church. This means leading a team of about thirty people, split into two sub-teams of fifteen or so. Each sub-team will do a month of Sunday school work with around fifty or so kids each week. I'm leading these teams, writing the teaching material and generally organising and delegating stuff. We're gonna go panto story - to show you the level of what I am intending to do, I've asked a guy with a mullet in the 20s group I lead if we can shave his hair in front of the kids one week when we do a comedy teaching of the story of Samson, and he's agreed! Its a challenge to me, but I have a great and experienced team around me so I think my role will be more leadership, management and strategy to be honest.

I played football today for a local team, for the first time in six months. Seriously, I was bad. Well, not bad from a skill point of view. More from a fitness point of view. I'm too embarrassed to tell you we lost 5-2, but considering the last time I even kicked a ball would have been early August, the fact I am breathing without the aid of medical machinery is quite remarkable.

God's provided for me once again in a couple of great ways. Firstly, it seems my on loan house is now not going to be auctioned in February. This means that it won't be sold, but instead will have to be revalued and go through lots of legal stuff like that. With no alternative selling or auction date in place, it means staying here at least till Summer is a real possibility.

A knock on effect of that means that the £300 rent I had coming in from my housemate is now no longer needed for the monthly legal fees. No, I'm not letting him off for free. That will cover my share of all the bills, living costs etc! And this is before I've become an honest working man. So the financial pressure I was under has suddenly been alleviated, and my accommodation situation is now a bit longer than short term!

It just goes to show that God hears prayers. I'd had a major faith wobble over the Christmas period and had a venting session at God on the beach Boxing Day evening, and He's stepped in and changed things. Everything I've been reading recently has been about God as Sustainer - I read a chapter on it in Incomparable, and as I was praying through Psalm 119 the other day a number of verses stood out to me. Psalm 119:90-91 and 119:116-117 make a link between God's sustaining power, and His faithfulness and protection for his children. Great verses to springboard into prayer from! The God who made all keeps all by His power. And if He sustains the galaxies, then He can step in to hold and sustain me!

Currently listening to: Scouting for Girls - Elvis Ain't Dead

Survived!

Just a short note to let you know I am alive. And well - physically, at least. The rugby was disappointing, and I did cry myself to sleep. But that is between you and me, OK?

Since Sunday I've gone shopping in the largest shopping centre in the Southern Hemisphere. It was beautiful. And yes, I did buy stuff. But I'm not telling you what any of it is...

I also went to Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens for an afternoon with many people. We had a picnic for someones birthday. It was a beautiful setting, which my photo's don't do justice - I became obsessed with avian life running around the grounds, and forget about the trees, grasses and flowers. Still, if you like Guinea Fowl - the ugliest birds I've ever seen, next to vultures and certain girl-band members - and South African ducks (which are so much more healthier looking that their scrawny British cousins) then you'll enjoy the photo link below:

Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens

There is also the curious image of my friend riding a stone leopard in broad daylight. Yes, there was people around. Yes, we did get funny looks. No, I wasn't embarrassed. In one week, I'm coming home and will never see most of these anonymous bystanders ever again...

Last night we had a prayer meeting, which was a fantastic time, and very different to the agenda-driven styles of prayer meetings I've become accustomed to. There was no agenda and no prayer list - even though we all had needs and wants. We just worshipped. That was it. And we waited for the presence of God, who inevitably came. It was a powerful time, as God ministered us as we waited on Him. Inevitably, we started sharing words for one another, and one guy shared something so on the button, it was amazing. He summed up the last two years of my life, and everything that God has been saying to me about my future since I've been in South Africa. He didn't know any details past or present whatsoever, but God spoke so powerfully to me through him. Honestly, it was one of the best prayer meetings I've ever been to. And not just because of the prophetic word. I mean due to the sense of the presence of God, and His tangible love and kindness that just filled the room. Wow!

Tonight I'm going to something called Moya, which I am told is a buffet of traditional African meats and foods, eaten whilst watching a number of traditional African dancers perform. I'm sure it will be amazing, and you can be guaranteed I'll take more photographs.

Only one more week to go!

Currently listening to: Finley Quaye/William Orbit - Dice

Fishy Going's On

Yesterday was a lazy day. I needed to do some thinking and pondering, so took some time out. With all the recent goings on, I have so much information coming my way that I need to digest it. I'd also began to get a bit concerned with some things that I had noticed about myself, and just general observations. Anyhow, I did what I normally do - stew about it for a while, put on a brave face whilst internalising it, then when it begins to get too much only then do I finally take it to God and talk to Him Who Knows All Things Anyhow!

The afternoon rushed by as I did some study, some reading and had a power nap. I was going to a home group of one of the Newfrontiers churches here in Cape Town, so beautified myself for that. Interestingly, they were watching the film 'One Night With The King' which is about the story of Esther from the Old Testament. It has some well known actors in it including Omar Sharif, Peter O'Toole and John Rhys-Davies. It also stars Luke Goss of Bros fame. You know, Bros from the 80s. Bros of boy band twins fame. Bros of 'we kinda look like a younger version of Right Said Fred.' Bros of theme tune 'When Will I Be Famous' fame. Judging from Mr Goss' performance, the question isn't 'when will I be famous' but more 'how on earth am I be famous?'

The scenery is stunning in the film, and the costumes really capture the pomp and glory of how I imagine the Persian Empire was. Shame that the acting is so wooden, it seems like I'm staring at a Homeware furniture display. Unfortunately, the insistence of the director to play a loud and dramatic orchestral score isn't quite loud enough to drown out the actors insistence to shout their lines in a manly, 'warrior-like' way. Yes, even Queen Esther.

Apart from that, its a pleasant film about love and... stuff.

After the film, we prayed together for different pastoral needs of people in the group. This turned into a time of prophetic encouragements for many of us, with different people sharing. Funnily enough, two people in the group had words for me - the first word confirmed something that had been said to me in Johannesburg, and the second word basically was everything I prayed during my talk with God earlier in the day - but with God answering me! It was a great time for us all.

I met some great people that evening, including a Greek couple who have invited me to their summer house early next week that overlooks a bay that is a breeding and meeting ground for whales! And I was invited to a formal dinner and dance this weekend as well by someone, although I am at a conference so I cannot attend, alas.

On the way home I popped into McDonald's to grab a snack and ended up talking to the manager. It turned out he is an evangelist at a local Pentecostal church, so invited me to some of his meetings that he is leading! And he also had a word for me, right outside McDonald's Cape Town drive-through!

Anyway, today I've been to Cape Town Aquarium which had a combination of creatures from both the Atlantic and Indian Ocean's. I've taken millions of photo's, which the links are as follows for you non-Facebook philistines:

Fish

Fish 2

Turtles

Sharks

Birds

Other Marine stuff

You can see from the photos it was incredible. We went for a late lunch, and I enjoyed Kingklip (which is a fish) covered in lemon and parsley butter, on a bed of minted mash. It was beautiful. I topped it off with an ice-cream - one scoop of honeycomb, one scoop of turkish delight flavour on a cone. Never have I felt so elated and content with my life. Ah, small things for small minds...

I'm out for dinner tonight with a couple of friends I've met here, who are going to cook me curry! They own the Mini Cooper sports convertible I wrote about earlier than we drove around the coastal mountain roads when I first got here. Food seems to play a big part here....
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Now playing: All Star United - Theme From Summer
via FoxyTunes

Lesotho

Yesterday I went into Lesotho (which is pronounced Le-sue-too). It is a separate nation to South Africa, but is encapsulated within the borders of South Africa. It's basically a landlocked mountain kingdom, with a river operating as a natural border between the two nations. I went in with a guy called Pete, a Zimbabwean, who is assisting a guy called John to pastor a fledgling church in the Lesotho foothills. We were going into Lesotho to visit one of the cell groups of the church, which is about 70 strong.

Travelling through the border control checkpoint, I was surprised by the rapid change of surroundings. In my experience in Europe, when you pass through one border to another on the mainland continent the changes in building styles, peoples dress and general environment is hardly noticeable, apart from obvious things like languages used in signs. However, this was different - very, very quickly it was evident to me I was in another country - and a very different country.

In South Africa, people of the townships live in tin shacks they have built themselves from anything that have been able to scavenge. In Lesotho, the people I saw all seemed to live in clay and dry mud huts they had built themselves. Many of them had thatched roofs, and a few had tiled roofs. There was a real sense of pride in their homes, as many were brightly decorated and kept clean and tidy. These houses were spread out on the hill and mountain sides, alongside vegetable patches and fenced areas where livestock were kept.

The people were dressed like westerners, but many of them wore what seemed like thick blankets wrapped around themselves. I was told these blankets are made from mohair from goats and keep them warm during the night, when the exposed hillside can become very cold. Although Lesotho itself seemed a very dry, parched land with rare rainfalls, when the rain does fall it apparently can be short but very heavy - so these blankets double as rain wear. The thick hair absorbs much of the water keeping the wearer dry.

During the journey, I got chance to spend a couple of hours with three of the Africans who are part of the year of leadership training the South African church nearby is doing. Two of these guys are from Lesotho - 20 and 19 years old - and the third is South African and is 25. We spoke about the challenges and hopes of leadership, disappointments in ministry and pains in life that God shapes us through. I have much to learn about from these guys about faith, and trusting God, in all things. We all shared about our desires to get married, which was probably when the four of us got the most animated, and had the most to say!

Driving along bumpy dirt tracks through the hills was an experience all of itself, partly due to the challenge of the terrain (praise God for land rovers and seat belts!) and partly because of the cattle, donkeys and sheep wandering around in the road! Pete told me we would be collecting a few of the Lesotho people for the group, and at various stops we collected two or three. The thing is we made about five stops, so at one point there was probably twenty or so people crammed into this vehicle, and a small city collected in the boot!

After a journey of about an hour, we finally got to the house where the meeting would take place. On the outside it was a fairly large hut - comparative in size to a living room - and we were welcomed by the owner. One thing about the Lesotho people is that they are all very friendly and very welcoming. They laugh a lot, and despite the language barrier enjoy banter and interaction with me, as well as each other. They seem to live as part of each others lives in a way that could show us Westerners much about community.

Inside the house, I noticed a coaster gift set on the wall for decorative purposes. This gift set was six coasters, each portraying a London landmark. Still in the box and in a central place on the wall, i had to wonder about the influence Britain and the West has had on this part of the world. And how much of that influence has been for good...

People continued to come in, until this house was packed out. The meeting began with worship, but done Lesotho style. No songbooks, no projector, no words - just a girl in her late teens or early twenties leading African songs with everyone else following. Although i didn't understand any of the words, I could tell from the rhythm and simplicity of the songs that these were sung from the heart. During worship, the leader encouraged us to pray for rain. Without recent rain, many crops were in danger of dying and therefore a primary food source would be lost. So we all prayed out, asking God to bless the land with rain. After we stopped praying, a funny thing happened. We began to hear sounds like little hammers on the tin roof. These sounds got heavier and heavier, with more frequency. It couldn't be... could it? I wasn't sure myself, so began to look out the door to see if anything was impacted the ground. However, the clap of thunder and flash of lightning grabbed my attention by the scruff of the neck. Sure enough, the sky had darkened and the wind had picked up. Right before our eyes, as we had just prayed for it to happen, it was beginning to rain...

With the rainfall getting heavier and heavier, the echo on the metal roof made speech very difficult, as Pastor John sat down to teach. He shared a sermon for forty-five minutes or so from Colossians 2 about the importance of being rooted in Christ. He had no notes, no words pre-prepared and didn't bother with fancy alliterative points. He just shared passionately, from the heart and with passion and conviction. His message was simple: be rooted in Christ, be rooted in the Word, be rooted in the Spirit and be rooted in the Church. We ended the meeting by praying for one another, and responding to some prophetic words a couple of us shared. The Lesotho people refused to end the meeting without praying for me, so I ended up in a circle with a multitude of African hands on me, wanting to bless me. It was beautiful. There was a real buzz as we left the house and went our separate ways. I couldn't help but think about how much like the New Testament that meeting would have been like. It wasn't polished or slick, but there was an honesty and simplicity to it. People enjoyed God whilst being led by the Spirit, with spontaneity and freedom. There was no thinking about the time or agenda.

Some began the walk back to their houses, others climbed upon the Range Rover of Death with the other twenty or so people. I myself sat in the front between the two seats, with the heartsick between my legs! Thankfully - or not, as the case may be - I had to control gears whilst Pete drove. Frankly, I was in a no win situation between manipulating gears to ensure we were in control during the treacherous mountain descent, and protecting any chance i may ever have in the future of having children. Luckily, God was gracious to me and everyone - and everything - survived intact and in one piece!

We dropped of the last of the Lesotho people, and drove back through the border to South Africa, back home. The rain was still pouring, and the flash of lighting over the hills and peal of thunder above us reminded me that wherever or whatever is going on, there is always so much unseen we don't know about. Sometimes God reveals the unseen so it can be seen, but whether we see or not, it is a walk of faith. And when we walk, if we don't move forward over new ground we simply stand still.

Praise God For Sandpaper

"Character is what you are when no one else is looking....." "Iron sharpens iron….." "Its character-building..." All these things are very true. And flippin’ hard!

I can’t help thinking that life is part of a process. Granted, belief in a sovereign providentual personal Father God theologically ticks the right boxes of the rather commonly used saying "everything happens for a reason." However, various things have occurred that make me think that this isn't just fate or randomness, and whilst its encouraging that God is reassuring me it doesn’t make the whole experience any easier.

I spent part of the day praying through Psalm 116. (I love Psalms. So much so that I thoroughly enjoyed talking about them with Deej last night.) I love prayer. I might even post a file of my recent sermon on it in my blog, should anyone express an interest. Also, I love the way God speaks so timely through scripture. This particular Psalm talks about God as my shield and my help, my gracious and righteous rescuer. But a couple of verses impacted me in another way:

Psa 116:15-16 Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. O LORD, I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant. You have loosed my bonds.

It could be about martyrdom. But could it also mean our own death – our death to self? Our sacrifice, our laying down of dreams, desires, wants and opinions? Didn’t Jesus say “whoever wants his life must lose it?”

Can the pot say to the potter “you don't know what you are doing?” Should I, as a servant, kick back against the Master because I’m having a tantrum? If he has led me down a path of testing, it is for my own good ultimately. But more importantly, for his glory.

I’ve been thinking about the Parable of the Talents, and the message of that tale. There are many things in that story, but one thing resonates with me especially so. I need to invest what God has invested in me, no matter what that is. That works interestingly alongside our trials. Trials are a process, part of refining, a shaping. So how are trials and talents related? I’m beginning to wonder that if I have one, three or five talent gifting, God wants me to have one, three or five talent character as well to invest it. Or as Paul says “taking hold of that Christ Jesus took hold of me for.”

On other news, I had the joy of speaking to a call centre. Now, I have nothing against Indians. But I do have things against people who talk too fast, unintelligibly, and who ask repetitive questions despite you already telling them what they want to know a sentence previously. I’d feel this way whether I was speaking with an Englishman, an American or an Australian. I get this a lot when I speak to Helen, so I’m used to it.

This person at the end of the phone introduced herself as ‘Josephine.’ Now, I may be wrong here but it seems unlikely that is her real name. Let’s pretend it isn’t – why would she give me a pseudonym? Lets look at the facts here – she is employed by a company whom I use for a service. Service fails, I call, Josephine answers. Now, having had to A) call another continent; B) work through a computerised automated menu; C) answer security questions; and D) speak with someone I don’t understand at all, is it any wonder I feel slightly perturbed?

However, lets be rational here. No matter how much my rage simmers and builds and throbs, it is exceptionally unlikely I am going to book an airline ticket through more evil automated systems, drive to an airport, endure the indignity of Customs, risk deep vein thrombosis on a plane whilst fly to the Indian Subcontinent, land in one of the most populous nations of the world, and proceed to track down someone who I have no idea what she looks like or where she works just to get something off my chest. And all I have to go on is a pseudonym.

So why the false name? It’s just treating me, the customer, in a patronising and insulting way. So I’m going to do one of my infamous complaints. Because I can’t fly just yet, its monsoon season apparently….

Throbbing Football Feet

You know when you feel like you’ve had a long day, but actually it wasn’t? Today has been like an elongated elastic band: stretched, taut, tight and turning those unusually diseased looking colours in the middle. Try it, its true.

Anyway, I was involuntarily up early – continuing my power-nap friendly trend of late nights, early wake ups. I woke up feeling very down so did some writing which is funny. Feeling down isn't funny, I mean writing about feelings is funny. It does help putting words on paper, but A) I hate anything I have ever written because to me it resembles the crazed etch-a-sketchings of a delinquet street urchin pumped full of E numbers and B) I embrace emotional amplification dredging up feelings in my creative process. Great for fuelling thought, bad for psychological stability.

I’ve just realised how pretentious the alliterative phrases I used sound in that paragraph. Ah, the weaving of words.

I then went to my special prayer bench in the woods near my flat to clear my head and spend time with God. I prayed through Psalm 113, through which God reminded me about His sovereignty and providential plans and purposes. I love the fact He knows me, knows my frame, knows my wrestlings, knows my darkness and yet always whispers exactly the right thing. Or He just holds me.

My sermon is now complete! Well, a second draft, shaped and crafted a bit. No doubt tomorrow morning before its delivery, I will have a last minute pique and insist on ‘perfecting’ it. Which says more about me I think than the sermon. I’m still not used to this artistic side of me. Although I don’t have any urges to greet people with two kisses on their cheeks. Or wear berets. Or call everyone ‘dahhhling.’ Although the idea of referring to myself in the first person does hold a megalomanic appeal.

I’ve learnt to love football again. This season hasn’t been enjoying, probably because I’m running the team this year and as we’re not that successful it’s a strain. Everyone has an opinion, and some of the guys lack the character to accept it’s a team game. But today, we won 3-0. There are little life lessons God leads us through in everything, and I’ve noticed that with managing the team. Getting the whole team sat down together before a game and explaining simply, clearly and precisely how I want not only the team to play, but certain individuals, means the team take ownership and play more united - although sadly nothing like United. There are leadership ponderings in that for me to muse over, concerning sharing vision effectively, motivating teams, and implementing corporate strategies. And learning to be normal and not think about stuff so much.

The downside of football is that my feet throb. It feels like I’ve been hung upside down and they’ve been beaten with a frozen pineapple, until the pineapple has been softened sufficiently. Said pineapple has then been pulped and made into a foul concoction, and forced via my nostrils into my gullet. This would account for my lungs feeling full and my stomach feeling knotted. It’s nothing to do with my lack of physical fitness, y’hear!?

Had a power nap that lasted two hours – worryingly, my power naps are usually half hour max. Either I’m getting old or my sleep pattern is wasted. I’m in denial about the first, so its clearly the second. Inarguably so.

Went out to the pub with Ginge and Stud from football. Stud was late, as always, so we met Ginges friend and had some foot. I ordered a Four Cheese & Garlic Pizza, which if I’m honest resembled a circle of coagulated vomit, cut into sick-slice triangles and sprinkled with mouldly beard cuttings. But it tasted gooooood. If a little garlicy. And cheesy. Me, Ginge and Ginges mate had some deep and meaningfuls, about philosophy, subjective morality, companionship, biblical Christianity and modern church roles in the community. Considering they are both heathens, it was great. Sadly there wasn’t an open door for the Gospel, but I’m very happy when its the season to just sow seeds. Stud turned up and as his name suggested, the tone of the conversation declined so quickly I’m sure I could feel air bubbles forming in my bloodstream.

Anyhow, I made my excuses an hour later and came home, mainly due to a number of factors. Tiredness; preaching tomorrow; and the odd compulsion to write for an audience of one (I mean me, not God!). Oh, and the laxative effect of a four cheese and garlic pizza.

Diets, Disc Drives & Discourses

Todays word: Mentalist.

Yesterday evening, I had a smoothie adventure. Before any of you get excited, I mean I polished off a litre of PJ’s Strawberry & Banana smoothie in about an hour. And very nice it was too. Of course, that amount of liquidised fruit will affect my system in yet to be discovered ways. But so far, so good.

In my vague, undisciplined and somewhat comical health drive, today I’m enjoying a cereal and smoothie diet. I say diet, I mean random food combinations. And I say today meaning right now as I can’t be bothered to prepare much else. Those crazy kids at Innocent have concocted a Pineapple, Banana & Coconut smoothie which is darn fine. And it had better be for two reasons. Firstly, I loathe the inflated overgrown spiky mutant orange things known as ‘pineapples.’ Secondly, for £3 a pop it had better be worth it!

I hate my laptop. Well, more specifically I hate my laptop power adapter. The little black brick refuses to work. Sometimes. I connect it all up, and lo! My laptop does not charge. Then I change posture / plug connection / hair design and it charges my computer! Bah! It means I have discovered my rage at rebellious inanimate objects is still within me, and I have had to learn the new ‘Laptop AC Rave’ to appease said charger. I capitulated today and ordered a new one, which will hopefully arrive before it dies totally, and my laptop runs out of juice mid way through my sermonising.

Ah, sermon preparation. Praying works really well when preparing, I have been reminded of (again). It’s a monthly occurrence and one I am quite used to now. I spent today reading a book, which I recommend for the symbolic post-modern cover as much as the practical and inspiring content. It's called “Too Busy Not To Pray” and it written by Bill Hybels, of Willow Creek fame - or infamy, judging from the opinions of some corners. I love that man – and anyone not convinced of his biblical theology can read this book and see for themselves.

My fetish for alliterative sermon points has reared its ugly head. In my structuring, I’ve condensed my feeble thoughts to three points: The Discipline Of Prayer, The Devotion Of Prayer and…. The Dealings of Prayer. Bah! The third one is rubbish! Dealings… Details…. Practicalities…. Pragmatics. See what I’m trying to do there? I need help my lovely readers. Suggestions for alliterative points, not necessarily beginning with the letter D, will win a great prize. I say great prize, I mean my eternal love.

Let the comments begin!

Pesky Ponderings Of... Poorness

As I’m writing this, I’m listening to Paradise City by Guns N Roses and eating Chicken Tikka. Which isn’t as nice as it may sound. To be honest, it’s a little bland. Still, I can comfort myself with the promise of a Frijj Chocolate Brownie Milkshake as dessert. Less than 3% fat you know. And its 45% whole milk, 44% skimmed milk. Let’s not focus on the remaining 1% ok?

Woof said to me today ‘if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?’ I’m fairly certain she was joking – after all, we can both see my body. Yes, she must have been joking.

My Music Of The Moment is ‘True Colours.’ The lyrics are very poignant to me right now. If you must insist of finding out what I mean, promise me you’ll download the Cyndi Lauper acoustic version from iTunes from the album called ‘The Body Acoustic.’ Stay well away from the awful Phil Collins version, which I promise you will only make your ears bleed and head swim.

Today was interesting. A guy came in from Dimensions Personal Safety to talk with me about doing a seminar on verbal conflict management for the volunteers at my church. He’s a top bloke, and offered to do a free evening for me after teaching First Aid to us at my church. He said he had so much fun that we would love to come back. And who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? Interestingly enough, we somehow had a conversation about the contemplative element of prayer. He’s not a believer, but seemed intrigued by the listening nature of Christian prayer. It opened up a conversation about the caricatured portrayal of Christianity many people have in their minds. Which sometimes historically I think the church hasn’t helped with.

It was an interesting moment. Especially I’m preaching this weekend, and the text I’m pondering a lot is Mark 1:35. I’m struggling with it if I’m honest – I feel totally and utterly unqualified to talk about prayer. Rather than a lifestyle of prayer, I think a lifestyle of prayerlessness is more accurate!

There are many things I’ve got on my mind… I don’t want to give a methodology of prayer, but I want to give practical tips. I want to portray prayer as the intimate talk it is between a Father and his child, yet I want to be faithful to the text and not sentimentalise the message. I want people to feel inspired to pray, but not condemn them by reminding them of their own failings.

I’ve got no idea where to start. And no idea where I want to get to. And I’ve got pictures in my mind of stop off points in between them… Abraham pleading with God…. The challenge of honest prayer presented by Psalm 88…. Psalm 100 and the place of gratitude.

I’m going to go pray and talk about it.

And I really need to get my haircut.